


Calling Me Home (Like A Ship That Got Wrecked)

by bright_lights_big_dreams



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alpha Ben Solo, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben is kinda the perfect alpha, Dirty Talk, Ex Sex, Exes, F/M, He just wants to keep Rey safe, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Knotting, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Panic Attacks, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is a Mess (Star Wars), Rey thinks he deserves better, Self-Doubt, Smut, So many emotions, it's a whole thing, the smut is just a backdrop for the story I'm ngl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27016585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bright_lights_big_dreams/pseuds/bright_lights_big_dreams
Summary: Rey knows that she shouldn’t be doing this – that she shouldn’t be here in Ben’s apartment – especially whilst he’s away and has absolutely no idea that she’s even thinking about it.She broke up withhim, for god’s sake. Sheknowsthat she has no right to have even kept the key to the apartment, let alone to actually use it. It’s not her home anymore.She needs it though – she reasons, as she stands in the hallway and tries not to drown in the memories. She’s so close to her heat and she needs somewheresafewith doors that lock properly and warm running water and electricity that doesn’t shut off at random times.Besides - Ben won't even have to know.-Rey goes to her ex's empty apartment for her heat - spoiler - he comes home.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 83
Kudos: 729





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> So, this is my first Reylo fic, my first Alpha/Omega fic, and my first time posting any kind of smut (am slyly shitting myself but oh well).
> 
> It's a mess - honestly. Rey has an extremely negative view of herself so there's lots of self-deprecation from her. She could really do with some therapy. Ben is kind of the literal perfect person, which I know is kind of lame but it's my story so oh well.
> 
> TW: Rey has a panic attack, and also thinks about past attacks and nightmares. There are very vague references to bad experiences in Rey's past, but nothing is explicitly stated about it in this chapter.
> 
> The title is from the song Safe by Banners - it's pretty fit so I do recommend
> 
> Yeet. I hope you don't hate it.

Rey knows that she shouldn’t be doing this – that she shouldn’t be here in Ben’s apartment – especially whilst he’s away and has absolutely no idea that she’s even thinking about it.

She broke up with _him_ , for god’s sake. She _knows_ that she has no right to have even kept the key to the apartment, let alone to actually use it. It’s not her home anymore.

She needs it though – she reasons, as she stands in the hallway and tries not to drown in the memories. She’s so close to her heat and she needs somewhere _safe_ with doors that lock properly and warm running water and electricity that doesn’t shut off at random times.

And Ben isn’t _here_ , he’s on a work trip, he should be gone for weeks – that’s what Rose had said when they’d caught up a few days ago, anyway. He probably won’t even be able to tell she’s been here by the time she’s finished. She knows exactly what the apartment is supposed to look like, where everything is supposed to be – she lived here long enough. She’ll just get through her heat and then clean everything up and put things back where they belong and it’ll be fine.

Rey hadn’t quite counted on how much his smell would affect her, though. The smell of him – of her _Alpha_ (no, not _hers_ anymore) - is so overwhelming, partly because her heat means she has a heightened sense of smell, but mostly because it’s been so _long_ since she’s been close enough to scent him. She shouldn’t be so shocked, though. This is where he spends most of his time – it’s no wonder it smells so strongly of him.

She misses his smell. She misses _him_. She knows she has no right to, but she does. They’ve been broken up for six months now – and they’ve been a shit six months, if Rey’s being honest. Six months of pain and sadness and loneliness – but it had to be done. Ben deserved so much better than her. He deserved a _good_ Omega, one that he could take to busy places on dates and that didn’t wake up screaming after debilitating nightmares they could never talk about and was emotionally open enough to really show him how special he was. An Omega that would let him mate with them- that would have pups.

Ben deserved the world – and Rey was the opposite.

Rey was nothing – a nobody from nowhere with no one. She didn’t know who her parents were, she didn’t know where she was born, she didn’t even know her real last name. She was an amalgamation of fake identities and trauma – and Ben – well Ben was a real person with family and history.

She isn’t quite sure how she ended up with him in the first place. She had just graduated from college when they met – the entire degree funded by scholarships and loans she would probably never be able to repay – and he held a high up position at a firm she was interviewing for. She didn’t get that particular job, but Ben had reached out – said that he’d been impressed by her and wanted to help her out with her search for a job – and also to take her out for dinner if she was so inclined.

Rey had been impressed by him too - a decade older, completely beautiful and the most wonderful smelling Alpha she had ever interacted with. She had been so sure that there was some kind of alternative motivation for his actions at the beginning – why else would he have been wasting his time with her? He was so patient with her, though. He had so many opportunities to run – the first time she had a panic attack in front of him when he grabbed her waist unexpectedly while they were walking down the street, for example. Or when one of the first nights she slept at his she woke up with screams tearing up her throat, or when she hadn’t even been able to kiss him properly until they’d been dating for almost six months.

Rey’s fear of intimacy was a very real, very disgusting thing that crept its way beneath her skin almost constantly. Some nights she could barely deal with being in the same bed as Ben - but he never complained - just always did whatever he could to make sure she was comfortable.

They didn’t have sex until they’d been dating for over a year, and it took another four months after that for Rey to share her heat with him, but again, Ben never wavered, instead asking her to move in with him almost as soon as their first shared heat was over.

Despite how solid Ben was, Rey _did_ waver and she wavered often - usually so dramatically that she could hardly keep up with her own brain. Ben regularly had to travel for business, sometimes being gone for weeks on end, just like he was now, and even though she always _knew_ he was coming home to her, the knowledge didn’t do anything to quell the feelings of rejection and loneliness that made themselves at home in every nook and crevice that formed her being while he was gone.

That was why she had left, in the end. They’d been dating for over three years, and she knew how much it was hurting Ben that she still didn’t feel secure and safe in her place in his life. He said he didn’t mind, that he knew why things were hard for her and that he would never resent her for those emotions – but she could see them taking their toll on him. He wanted to mate her too, and have pups – not that he ever actually _asked_ but he didn’t need to – she could see it in the way he’d look at mated pairs of Alphas and Omegas and how he acted around his baby cousin. Rey didn’t know if she’d ever be able to give him those things – certainly not anytime soon.

So, she had left. She had packed her bags and cried and cried and cried as she told Ben it was over. He had cried too, but he hadn’t tried to change her mind – instead comforting _her_ and making sure that she had a safe place to go – promising that he was still here if she ever needed anything. Once again, he had been supportive and perfect. He truly would be an amazing mate to an Omega one day – one that deserved his loyalty and love and could give those same things back to him.

One that didn’t sneak into his empty apartment six months after they’d broken his heart like they deserved to even breathe the same air as him.

Rey wasn’t a good omega though – so she was going to use his apartment for a week and get through her heat and then tidy up and run away like she’d never been there.

Ben would never have to know.

She had made her way over when the first urge to nest hit her – bringing all her own blankets and sheets that she’d need. She had been planning on using the guest room – but as soon as she’d got to the apartment her nose and instincts had led her straight to Ben’s bed.

She had spent hours arranging and rearranging the blankets and sheets and pillows on the bed, but the nest just wasn’t _right_ , there was something _missing_. After some careful consideration (desperate searching around the room), _something_ turned out to be some sweaters from Ben’s laundry pile. They just smelt so good – so fundamentally like _Alpha_ \- Rey wasn’t sure how she’d ever thought a nest would be complete without them. She threaded them into the edges of the nest, in with the soft blankets and finally it was finished. A perfect nest for her to spend her heat in.

Rey kicks off her socks and jeans and wipes away the sweat on her brow. Her body temperature was definitely rising – and within a few hours she would be in the middle of a fully-fledged heat. She crawls into the nest, curling up in the blankets and nuzzling into one of Ben’s sweaters. Soon enough she’s falling asleep, one last nap before the pain really starts.

-

Rey chokes out a sob as she ruts against her hand, on her hands and knees and desperate to hit her peak so she can once again be sated for a couple of hours. Everything burns and she’s covered in sweat and tears and slick and all she wants is for this heat to be over.

It’s barely been twenty-four hours since it started. 

She hates being in heat – hates the loss of control and the wild emotions. Rey _needs_ to be in charge of what’s happening in her life – things go wrong when she isn’t. Heats are a perfect example. She never knows what she’s going to do – just that she’s going to beg and whine and hurt and _want_ for days on end until it passes. Fuck heat – and fuck being an omega.

She was fifteen when she first went into heat – stuck in an underfunded children’s home that wasn’t equipped to help her but would at least try to give her some privacy and keep her nourished. Heats got a whole lot worse when she had to move to a different home when she was almost seventeen, and they didn’t get better until she went to college – until she had full control of her own life and was able to plan exactly what she would be doing and where she would be.

They never got _good_ , but they got better. Especially with Ben.

Ben looked after her. Ben made her feel good. Ben kept her safe.

And she ran away from him anyway.

Maybe he’s found another omega now. Rey can’t smell another one in his apartment, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Maybe Ben and this hypothetical Omega spend all their time together somewhere else.

Rey isn’t sure whether the next cloying noise that escapes her throat is a response to the fire burning through her veins or the idea of Ben with another Omega.

She chooses the first option.

Her hand isn’t _enough_ , and she’s reaching blindly for the knotting toy she bought with her when she smells it.

Smells _him_.

No. That can’t be right. He isn’t _here_. Is she so desperate for _something_ that she’s imagining his smell, now?

The scent is so fresh though, so overwhelming. It doesn’t feel fake. There’s something else there too, a confusion and urgency flowing through the air.

She understands.

It’s real.

Ben’s home, and Rey wants to throw up.

If Rey can smell him, there’s no way that he can’t smell her. 

He’s in the apartment. She didn’t hear the front door open but she knows he’s close – her entire being wants to scream for him – beg him for help.

She doesn’t know what to _do_. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She’s not supposed to be here, he won’t _want_ her here, this wasn’t part of the _plan_. She has to leave, she needs to get out, she shouldn’t be here – she can’t _think_.

“ _Rey_.”

_Alpha_. He’s standing in the doorway to his bedroom – eyes wild and confused. Rey glances down at herself – naked and disgusting and desperate and chokes out another sob.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have - I’ll go. I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” Her brain isn’t working – it’s shut down – empty of everything that isn’t need and pain. Alpha doesn’t want her here and she needs to _get out_. Rey rolls off the bed and onto her shaky legs whilst the nonsensical apologies mixed with sobs continue spill from her lips. She doesn’t know what she’s doing but she needs to _go_ because she shouldn’t be here and she can’t breathe and Ben is so close and she thinks his lips are moving but she can’t hear a word and her lungs aren’t _working_ and –

Rey’s legs give way as an agonizing cramp rolls through her abdomen.

Ben catches her before she hits the ground.

“You need to calm down, Rey. You need to breathe.” She can hear him now, his words reaching her over the ringing in her ears. His voice is so low, the perfect rumble deep in his chest.

Still her lungs seem to be rejecting any air she tries to take in. Is this the end? It is. She’s going to die mid-heat after breaking into her ex’s home like some kind of stalker.

“ _Omega_ ,” Ben’s voice is different now – coming from a different place – an Alpha command, “ _Breathe_.”

Rey’s lungs open up as she inhales a deep, shaking breath. She’s light-headed and shivering despite the heat raging through her body. Another cramp rocks through her stomach, leaving her hunched over in Ben’s arms.

She whimpers.

“That’s it, Rey, breathe. It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You don’t have to leave. You can stay here. Keep going. Another deep breath for me. Good girl.” Ben keeps talking, hand rubbing soothingly at Rey’s back as he lifts her and carries her to a more comfortable position on the bed, in her _nest_. He makes no move to touch her or sate her even though she’s naked and writhing on top of him. He’s always been good like that – at knowing what Rey needs and when she needs it. Never pushing her. Too good.

The only thing he does is lift his wrist to the gland on her neck, allowing her to nuzzle in and absorb the calming pheromones directly. Soon enough her deep breaths are only interrupted by the occasional dry sob or choked gasp.

Another cramp hits – stabbing pains ripping through her repeatedly until they’re all she can feel. Alpha is here and he’s in her nest and why does he have clothes on? Why isn’t he helping?

“It _hurts_ , Ben.” Rey whines, voice pathetic and needy and lost.

“I know, Rey. Tell me what you need.” Ben responds softly, running his hands down her bare sides. Rey shudders.

“You. Need your knot. Please, Ben.” Rey can think of only one thing right now and that’s having Ben fill her up. She wriggles out of bens grasp and rearranges herself so that she’s straddling his hips. She drops her hand to his crotch, immediately getting to work on releasing his cock from the fabric of his trousers. She _needs_ it, needs him, right now.

Ben apparently feels the same urgency, if the way he pretty much rips his trousers down his legs is anything to go by.

Rey takes a moment to look at him. He’s so hard- cock long and thick and standing to attention – it’s been so long since she’s had him and he’s so _big_. It’s a rush of limbs and repositioning but soon enough Rey is sinking on to him – cock stretching her out in the best possible way as Ben groans in her ear.

She moans too, and she knows she’s being loud, but she can’t stop. She lifts herself up slightly and lowers herself down further, almost to the base.

“So big, Ben. So big.” Rey whines out, voice breathy and the rational mind that can think of something other than Ben long gone.

Ben grunts, tightening his grip on her waist slightly and helping her lower herself down all the way, “Take it, Rey. Taking my cock so well, like you always do. Always such a good girl for me. My perfect little Omega.”

“Alpha. Your knot. Please. Need it. Need you to fill me up. Please.” Rey begs – desperate for anything Ben would give her.

Ben listens, and fucks up into her faster, pushing high moans out of Rey’s throat whenever he buries himself in her cunt. Rey’s legs tremble with the exertion of holding herself up but she won’t let them give out until she’s got what she needs.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Ben lifts a hand from her hip and rubs rough circles into her clit, “Cum on my cock, that’s it. Then I’ll knot you and fill you with all my cum, inside you where it belongs. You know it’s true. That’s it, _now_ , Omega.”

Rey comes with a shout as her cunt clenches around his cock, legs giving out as she loses control of her limbs in the all-consuming pleasure. Ben is there to hold her up though, like always, softly lowering her head onto his chest even as he keeps fucking her. It’s just a few more thrusts until she feels his knot swell and his spend spill into her. It keeps going, spurts and spurts filling her up until she’s sure that they’re can’t possibly be anymore for him to give.

There are a few minutes of quiet – the only sounds in the room being both of their heaving breaths as they slowly begin to come back to themselves. The fog in Rey’s brain is quickly dissipating, like it always does after she finishes, and it’ll stay that way until the cramps and burning sensations start up again. Hopefully there’ll be a longer gap than usual, now that she’s locked on Ben’s knot and full of his cum like she’s supposed to be.

Oh. _Ben_.

Her ex – that she broke up with – that came home to find her here even though she wasn’t even supposed to be able to get in anymore.

Oh _fuck_.

This was bad – really, _monumentally_ bad.

What has she _done_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's chapter 1 - I am very happy to receive constructive feedback, especially surrounding the alpha/omega stuff and the sex cause like,,,have not written those before. (obvs any comments are lovely, though).
> 
> I don't have an exact update schedule, but the next chapter should be up in a week.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed - see you next week (hopefully) xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter number 2!!
> 
> I am honestly amazed by the feedback I've received and how many kudos I got - thank you all so much.
> 
> Here's the next chapter - it's purely the rest of Rey's heat. There's lots of little scenes - honestly they're not necessarily all chronological, but I've put them in the order that makes most sense to me.
> 
> Also, Ben and Rey are both naked for the entirety of this chapter - perhaps not a necessity to know but I felt like it was important.
> 
> TW: Very brief mention of unwanted sexual advances (an alpha regarding Rey's heat). Discussions of Rey's weight loss and very brief reasoning why she doesn't always eat enough.
> 
> I hope you enjoy xoxo

Rey keeps her face hidden in Ben’s neck for as long as she can, hoping that there’s some way she can avoid the conversations that obviously have to happen before her next wave hits.

They’re stuck here for the next thirty minutes though, _at least_. Ben’s knots tended to last for quite a while – the longest having been well over an hour. There’s no way she’s getting out of this – she’s going to have to try and explain and it’s not going to go well.

Why did she _do_ it? Why did she even come here? She was so _stupid_ and cruel and heartless and-

“Don’t do that Rey – stop stressing yourself out. I can feel you thinking. It’s okay.” Ben soothes. Rey can feel the vibrations of his voice through his chest. It’s lovely.

She shakes her head, dragging it away from its place on Ben’s skin as she straightens herself up slightly. She still can’t look at his face, though, “It’s _not_ okay, Ben. Why aren’t you angry? I came into your home without permission. I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Rey, I assure you that I can’t think of _any_ situation that I would be angry to walk in on you naked in my bed.” Ben responds teasingly, dipping his head to nip at Rey’s collarbone.

Rey has to bite back a soft moan – he’s trying to distract her and she can’t let it work just yet, “I’m serious. I – we haven’t spoken in almost six months – I _left_ you. You shouldn’t be okay with this.”

“Look at me, Rey,” Ben speaks softly, but there’s a hint of a command in his tone – not quite enough that Rey couldn’t resist it if she really wanted to, but enough to push her to comply, “You can say whatever you want, but that won’t change the fact that I _am_ okay with this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely confused – even though you came here you clearly weren’t expecting to see me, and I don’t understand that – but I’m not mad.”

“Rose mentioned that you were going on another business trip and I didn’t realise you were coming back so soon. I’m sorry. I had nowhere else to go.” Rey responds quietly. Rose was a friend of Ben’s, and even after Rey broke up with him, Rose still wanted to keep in contact. Rey had been more than happy with that – she’d never really had proper friends before – and knowing that Rose clearly liked her for her, and not just because she was dating Ben, had been a nice surprise.

“Stop apologising, Rey,” Ben chastises, dropping a soft kiss on to the end of her nose before Rey senses a change in his demeanour, a jump from relaxed to concerned, “What about your apartment, though? Why isn’t that safe?” 

Rey swallows, and fights the urge to break eye contact with Ben, “My neighbours – they’re -” She pauses for a moment, trying to find a word to say that doesn’t make her sound like a pathetic child. She fails, “Some of them are _scary_. They’re usually not too bad, but they could smell me, smell that my heat was coming. One of them - he said he was going to help me – even if I didn’t ask for it – said that I’d be begging for him soon enough anyway. I couldn’t stay.”

There’s a growl rumbling in the back of Ben’s throat before Rey even finishes speaking, and his hands tighten protectively around her waist. Rey lifts her wrist to the gland on his neck to calm him, like he’d done for her earlier. It works – the growling stops, at least – but there’s still something else bothering him.

“I met your neighbours, Rey - you were on an Omega only floor.” He doesn’t say it like it’s an accusation, but it is. It’s a correct accusation as well – Rey lied to him.

When she’d moved out, Ben had insisted on checking that her new apartment was safe and that the neighbours weren’t dangerous. She had shown him her colleagues’ home, though, one she was only staying at for a few weeks before her lease began on her actual apartment. If Ben knew about _that_ one, well, there was no way he would not have let her live there. Lying about where she was living was necessary if Ben was ever going to move on and stop worrying about her.

Rey doesn’t say any of that, though, just shakes her head and looks away. She can’t keep looking at him now that he knows she lied. Ben understands – he always understands.

“You weren’t actually living there, in the apartment you showed me, were you?” He sounds hurt and disappointed and upset. Rey’s hardly been with him for an hour and she’s already hurting him – _this_ was why she’d left. 

“No,” She confirms, “A girl at work owed me a favour, so I stayed with her for a little until I sorted somewhere else out.”

There’s a tense silence, just for a few moments. Ben’s next words are strained, like he already knows he won’t like her answer, “Where do you live?”

Silence. Rey won’t tell him. She doesn’t have to. 

“Tell me, _now_.”

Ben doesn’t command her yet, but he will. If it’s a question of her safety he will have no qualms about using that tone of voice it’s physically impossible for her to reject. She might as well save both of them the effort of going through the motions.

“Jakku.”

The frustrated growl that rips its way from Ben’s throat is interspersed with what sounds like a whine of anguish. The suddenness makes her flinch, but his reaction is understandable. Jakku is awful – highest crime rates in the city, shootings more nights than not and the base for all sorts of dangerous crime. It isn’t safe – but it’s what Rey can afford without touching her savings, so it’s where she’s living.

Ben’s fingers are digging into her hips so tightly that they’re sure to leave bruises, she’ll be lucky if he ever lets her go again. Her Omega hindbrain points out that Ben never letting her go doesn’t sound so bad.

Ben realises what he’s doing and loosens his grip, fingers rubbing circles where they’d just been clenched – he’s upset now, she upset him, “Why do you live there, Rey? Why did you lie? Is it money? You know I’ll give you anything you need.”

“I don’t _want_ your money, Ben. I don’t deserve it after what I did to you,” Rey can feel her emotions beginning to go haywire again - maybe a side-effect of her heat but more likely her inability to regulate her feelings - unwelcome thoughts bubbling up to the surface that she is unable to push back down, “That’s why I shouldn’t have come here – you’re supposed to be moving on, living your life without me with someone that is good for you - but I was weak. I should have just stayed in my apartment, I probably would have been fine and even if I wasn’t it’s nothing more than I deserve-“

“ _No_ ,” Ben cuts her off with a growl, grabbing her wrist and licking across her gland in an action that might be doing more to soothe him than her. He continues to smother it in his scent as he speaks, “Don’t you _dare_ say that. You did the right thing, Omega. I’m so proud of you – getting yourself somewhere safe for your heat. You did so well - such a good girl. My smart, brave, precious Omega.”

Rey can’t keep herself from keening at the praise, cunt clenching around Ben’s knot all over again. Ben enjoys the feeling, if his choked moan is anything to go by. He lifts a hand to Rey’s face, gently twisting it until she is once again facing him, “I didn’t mean to upset you, or get upset, I’m sorry. We won’t talk about it again until afterwards.”

Rey realises quite suddenly that she hasn’t kissed him yet, and at the same time she realises exactly how much she wants to. She can’t though. Kissing feels different – and she knows that’s strange to say whilst she’s sitting here with Ben’s dick literally trapped inside of her – but it’s too intimate, too real. So, she nods her acceptance of his apology, and then burrows her head back into Ben’s neck, where she can avoid the guilt she feels whenever she looks into his eyes.

Rey’s half-asleep by the time Ben’s knot deflates enough for him to lift her from his body. She’s not lucid enough to even attempt to stop the whine that crawls its way out of her throat at the prospect of being separated from him.

“Hush, Omega. It’s okay,” Ben reassures her gently, “You need some water. I’m just going to get some bottles from the fridge and I’ll be right back. You won’t even know I’m gone.”

Rey must make some kind of noise of acknowledgement, and sure enough, before she’s really processed that he isn’t in the room anymore, Ben is back and lifting her up so that she’s sitting up, her bare back pressed to his bare chest. The skin to skin contact is nice – soothing. He holds an open bottle of cold water to her lips, keeping it steady as she drinks almost all of it in long gulps – she’s definitely thirstier than she realised. Despite the ingestion of the ice-cold liquid, she can feel herself beginning to warm up again. She doesn’t, however, feel the pang of dread that she would have got if she was on her own, because Alpha was here and next to her and he wouldn’t let her hurt.

Ben notices the change in her very quickly, very much in Alpha mode and conscious of every action she makes. He drops his lips to the top of her neck and slowly kisses his way down, a graze of his teeth against her gland shoots sparks through her veins.

“ _Ben_.” Rey exhales. She doesn’t have to say anything else; he already knows what she’s asking for.

He rolls them over so that she’s lying on her back and he’s hovering over her, leaning on his elbows as he cages her underneath him. It’s a good cage, one she’s happy to be locked in.

His mouth continues on the same pathway, dropping kisses across her sternum and down her chest. He pauses once he reaches her breasts, looking up at her with wicked smile as he rubs his thumb over a nipple, “Such pretty tits, Rey. I’ve missed them so much.”

Rey doesn’t respond, just lets out a moan as he repeats his actions – pressing slightly harder this time. He sucks one nipple into his mouth, pinching and pulling the other between his fingers until Rey is crying out beneath him.

“Always so responsive for me, if you didn’t need me so bad right now, I’d make you cum just by playing with them.”

“Don’t you _dare_.” Rey groans out in response.

Ben lets out a dark chuckle, “Don’t worry, Rey. I’ve got you.”

A hand shifts its way down her body and between her legs, one finger swiping a strong line up through her folds. Rey tries to follow the digit with her hips, desperate for more friction, but Ben’s other hand keeps her planted to the bed, “All this slick, Omega. Is it all for me?”

“Yes, it’s yours. _Please_ , Alpha.” Rey insists, quickly losing hold of her brain as the concept of being knotted begins to take over. 

“I have to taste you.” Ben growls out. He does, and he doesn’t stop until she comes on his mouth twice and is begging him to knot her. Even when he complies, and is fucking into her hard and fast, something still isn’t right. It just isn’t _enough_. Ben can tell.

“Tell me what you need, Rey.” He assures, as he continues driving into her.

“I – I don’t – I _can’t_.“ Rey can’t get her words out, can’t get them out of her mouth.

“You do. You _can_. Let me help you, Omega.” Ben demands, insistent in her ear.

“Kiss me. Please, Ben. Need you to kiss me.”

Ben does, grabbing her chin in his hands and twisting her head so that he can connect their lips. Rey feels complete – full. 

How she’s supposed to.

-

He carries her to the bathroom. She can _probably_ walk, but she doesn’t argue. It’s nice to be looked after – and there’s nowhere safer than in Ben’s arms. They both use the toilet, and Ben gives her a quick wipe down with a warm cloth. There’s no point in having a proper shower yet, not when in a few hours she’s just going to be covered in who knows what fluids, but it’s refreshing nonetheless.

He carries her back to the bedroom as well, only letting her down when she lets out a squawk of indignation at the door.

“What’s wrong, Rey?” His voice is panicked.

“Look what you did to my nest!” Rey cries, gesturing towards the bed where he carefully crafted nest now lies in ruins.

Ben visibly relaxes at the knowledge that there is no emergency, “It looks exactly the same as it did when I arrived.” He responds, amused.

Rey, on the other hand, is definitely not amused. She whirls round and glares at him, “No, it was _perfect_. You ruined it!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll help you fix it.” Ben apologises, but she can still hear the hint of laughter in his voice. This isn’t funny!

Rey shakes her head, “No! You’ve done enough. I’ll do it.”

She makes very quick work of rebuilding her nest, wanting to be back inside of it as soon as possible. She’s very aware of Ben watching her as he leans against the doorway, and it’s not that she _needs_ to impress him, but the idea that Alpha thought that’s what her nest was supposed to look like? Well that’s just embarrassing. 

When she’s finished, she turns to Ben, who has a warm smile on his face. She likes his smile. She doesn’t ask, because she definitely _isn’t_ looking for his validation. If he wants to give it to her, though. That would be nice.

Ben knows exactly what she wants to hear, “It’s beautiful, Omega. A lovely nest for us to share.” 

Rey purrs at the praise, grabbing at Ben’s hand and dragging him towards the bed.

“Is there something you want Rey?” Ben questions teasingly as he allows himself to be pulled into the nest.

“I _want_ you to fuck me in our nest.” Rey retorts.

“How could I say no to that?”

-

Rey lies on her front, brain floating on a fuzzy cloud as she rests in the nest, purrs rumbling in her throat as Ben massages her shoulders. She’s fully sated and relaxed, content.

The unhappy harrumph that leaves Ben’s throat from behind her pulls her straight off that cloud and down to the ground – brain immediately running rampant with all sorts of possibilities of the cause of the noise.

 _What’s wrong? Alpha is unhappy? You disappointed him? Alpha doesn’t want you._

He clearly feels her tense, and he runs a hand slowly over the bumps of her spine before he speaks, “You’ve lost weight.”

He isn’t upset at her; he’s upset at himself. 

Rey had always been small – a lifetime of being underfed and struggling to gather enough money for basic necessities would do that to a person. Even when she had been with Ben, and had a job which paid enough for her to sometime splash out on groceries, putting weight on didn’t come easy. Sometimes she would feel so guilty, eating all kinds of extravagant foods and so _much_ of them when she knew there were people out there barely surviving. Especially when she was back on her own, it was hard to make herself eat more than what she knew she needed to keep going. She would much prefer to live off the basics and donate any spare food to charity – give it to the people who really needed it.

“You haven’t been eating properly, have you?” It’s not really a question, not when they both already know the answer.

“I tried.” Rey’s voice is smaller than she wants it to be.

“I know,” Ben replaces his hands with his mouth, quickly kissing his way down her back, “My fault. I should have checked up on you – shouldn’t have stayed away.”

He’s talking to himself more than he’s speaking to her, but that isn’t right, “It’s not your fault, Ben. It’s just how I am. Not you.” Rey twists her head, looking over her shoulder so that she can see his face. It’s sad, and disappointed – she doesn’t know what she can say to get him to stop blaming himself.

Ben meets her eye. He doesn’t do anything to imply that he doesn’t feel guilt, but he does kiss her – soft and caring – and it’s nice to feel that.

“Did you bring any food with you?” Ben asks, “I know I didn’t have much here when I left.”

Rey nods into the mattress, “Yeah, in the bag by the wardrobes.”

Ben rolls away to look at the food she had bought with her. He sounds incredibly unimpressed afterwards. 

“There’s only cereal bars in here. And sweets. No proper food.”

“It’s what I need – it’ll get me through heat.” Rey responds, still vaguely blissed out and not interested in arguing with Ben.

“No, Omega,” Ben insists with a frustrated growl, “You need proper food.” 

Rey listens to him reach for his phone and begin typing away, but she’s still satisfied enough to not really question it.

An hour later Rey is wrapped up in Ben’s arm, sitting on his lap as he hand-feeds her the fresh fruit that he ordered piece by piece. His favourite is pineapple – and whenever he feeds her a slice, he follows it with a kiss to her lips so that he can taste the juices in her mouth. 

As soon as she’s full he pushes the remnants of the fruit away, and pushes himself into her, fucking her softly until they both cum and his knot is locked inside of her – where it’s supposed to be, he tells her.

-

Rey knows when her heat is over – because she wakes up feeling exhaustion deep in her bones. She’s always so tired when it’s over – the lack of sleep and endless fucking and emotional turmoil catching up with her.

She feels sticky and gross and awful. The day after heat is possibly worse than any that she spends in its thralls. Her entire body aches.

The first thing she notices is that Ben isn’t in bed.

She panics for a moment. Is he gone? Has he left her now her heat is over? She wouldn’t blame him. 

Then she hears the sound of water filling up the bathtub and her body untenses. He hasn’t left.He’s still home, and still looking after her.

A couple of minutes later he’s back in the bedroom, clearly having had a shower at some point himself, and lifting Rey into his arms.

She’s so tired that she doesn’t even try to object as he carries her to the bathroom and places her softly into the tub, checking the temperature before he does so and keeping his arm wrapped around her to make sure she doesn’t slip under the water.

He bathes her. It’s something they used to do quite regularly – when things were getting a lot for Rey. The peace that comes alongside Ben looking after her like this is truly something magical. He’s so careful with her – makes her feel like some precious gem that should be cherished. He starts with the washcloth at her feet, meticulously working his way up her body and washing every inch of her skin as she relaxes in the bubbles.

She shudders when he reaches her pussy, so swollen and sensitive – and he’s so careful – so soft.

He coos, an apologetic sound that definitely has a hint of typical alpha pride beneath it – if she had any energy, she’d roll her eyes, “I know it hurts, doesn’t it, baby?”

Rey just nods and lets out a pathetic little whimper as he slides the washcloth over her again.

“It’s because you took me so well, taking all of my cock over and over like the good little omega you are. My perfect Omega, built just for me.” Ben exhales into her ear. It sounds something like a promise.

He moves on, giving her sensitive breasts the same treatment – somehow soothing them rather than attempting to work her up again.

Once he’s finished washing her body he moves on to her hair, lathering it up with shampoo and conditioner and washing it out until the strands feel silkier than they have in months.

After the bath he dries her just like he washed her – working over her skin inch by inch with the towel and sometimes lapping up any stray droplets of water with his tongue. He sits her between his legs while he dries her hair, making sure it is as dry as possible before he splits it in two and plaits it into two French braids.

Then he pulls one of his shirts over her head and carries her back to the bedroom, sitting her on the pouffe in the corner of the room and wrapping a blanket around her shoulders whilst he makes quick work of changing the desecrated sheets on the bed. The new ones are dry and warm and soft and she feels like a feather as he places her on to them and pulls the duvet over her – flying high somewhere on a breeze that will keep her safe forever.

She’s vaguely aware of Ben dropping a kiss to her forehead and telling her to sleep as she drifts off into a blissful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it
> 
> The next chapter is going to delve pretty deep into Rey's past - and why she acts and thinks the way that she does, so hopefully you're interested in that.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I'd love to know what you think!!
> 
> See you soon xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, thank you so much for all the feedback on the last chapter, I'm so happy you're all enjoying this so much!!
> 
> So, the chapter count has gone up because I'm physically incapable of making a plan and sticking to it. Unfortunately this means we don't actually get to Rey's past this chapter, but I promise it's coming next chapter.
> 
> The entire scene in the apartment is one of the first things I thought of for this fic (particularly the end of the chapter) and I definitely got carried away while I wrote it, but I hope you like it as much as I do.
> 
> Please enjoy xoxo

When Rey wakes it’s to the smell of something _amazing_ being cooked and a loud rumble in her stomach. She feels well rested this time, the crushing exhaustion she had been feeling before having dissipated while she slept. She’s wrapped up in soft blankets and the duvet – a cocoon of peace just for her.

She’s torn between staying curled up in the warm bed or heading for the kitchen – but her stomach wins. She’s _starving_. Ben had given her enough food to keep her functioning over her heat, but neither of them had the capacity to make anything particularly substantial.

Rey keeps a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she pads towards the kitchen, each step closer making her mouth water that bit more – although – as she enters the kitchen to see Ben hovering over the hob in a tight shirt and sweatpants, she isn’t sure it’s just the food that’s making her mouth water. He’s humming along to the song playing through the speakers as he stirs the food in the pan, and Rey can’t stop the pang in her chest at the domestic sight – a reminder of what she had given up.

Ben realises she’s standing in the doorway and shoots a toothy smile at her over his shoulder, “I knew this would wake you up. I’m making your favourite.”

Ben had introduced Rey to all sorts of new food when they were dating. He liked cooking his own meals as often as he could, and would experiment with all different types of cuisine but Rey’s favourite dinner he would make by _far_ was a relatively basic creamy pasta recipe with chicken and bacon. He had tried to teach her to make it countless times over the years, but hers would never turn out as well as his did. Rey loved it so much that, when they were together, it was a meal that they’d generally have at least once a week. Rey often worried that Ben would get bored of making and eating the same food over and over again, but he would always assure her that he would make it every day if it was what she wanted. 

She returns the smile with one she hopes is just as genuine, “How long was I asleep?”

“About eight hours,” Ben answers, noticing the shock on her face and cutting her response off before she even has time to open her mouth, “Before you complain that I let you sleep for that long, you clearly needed it so I won’t apologise. Sit down, this’ll be ready in ten minutes.”

Rey knows that there’s no point in arguing that she _wasn’t_ going to complain, because they both know that she definitely was. She’d just wasted almost a full day doing absolutely nothing – she usually let herself nap for two hours maximum after her heat and would then just force herself to stay awake and do whatever it was that she needed to. Although – Ben was here and had already done the cleaning and the cooking and she was clean so maybe she did have a bit of extra time to sleep today.

She grunts as an acknowledgement of his words as she sits herself down at the table – more than happy to just watch Ben as he worked on the final touches for the food.

The pasta is even better than she remembers it – she isn’t quite sure how she’s lasted the past six months without it in her life. Maybe she could get Ben to cook it in bulk and then she could keep it frozen until she wanted a portion. Who was she kidding – if Ben ever knew that she wanted some he’d be more than happy to show up with some freshly made without her even asking for it. She has a second serving – Ben clearly knew to make extra.

They have cookie dough ice cream for pudding – an expensive brand that Rey hasn’t even thought about buying since she and Ben ended – eating it from the tub whilst they watch some random sitcom on TV. 

All too soon the ice cream is gone and the episode is over - and then they need to talk.

Rey knows that it’s her job to start the conversation – she owes Ben that much at least. She’s taken over his home and life for the past five days – he could have had anything planned, probably did have important things to do that he immediately pushed aside for her. She knows she could tell him that she wanted to get back with him right now and he’d take her back no questions asked – but as much as she wants to do just that, she _can’t_ , because things will go back to how they were before and nothing will have changed.

 _She_ won’t have changed.

She opens her mouth, ready to say _something_ , but Ben doesn’t let her get that far.

“Just give me one more night - Rey. Please. We can go back to the real world tomorrow.” He sounds so sincere, so hopeful.

Rey has no desire to say no to him – she just nods her head where it rests on his shoulder, “Just tonight.”

-

“I should go home.” Rey states after breakfast the next morning – it had been another knock out – bacon and eggs and toast and all of the things she loved to eat in the morning. 

Ben doesn’t like that; she can tell by the expression on his face and the spike in his scent – not that he particularly tries to hide it anyway. She had known since she had revealed her true home to him that returning there was going to become a big debate.

“Have you got to go back there?” He almost sounds like a petulant child that’s been told to do something he really doesn’t want to.

Rey raises an eyebrow at the immaturity – not that his response was at all unexpected, “Yeah, I do. It’s my home.”

“It shouldn’t be. It clearly isn’t safe.” Ben continues to pout, even as he collects the dirty dishes from the table and puts them in the dishwasher.

“It’s really not that bad,” Rey insists, “It was purely because of my heat that I didn’t want to stay, and it’s over now.”

Ben lets out an unconvinced grunt, but relents, “We’ll go soon.”

“We?”

“Yes,” It’s his turn to raise an eyebrow at her now, like the concept of him not going with her is ridiculous, “I’m not just going to let you go back to some death trap place where you aren’t safe, Rey. If it really isn’t that bad then you won’t have a problem with showing me.”

Rey concedes, because she knows that Ben won’t let up otherwise. Besides, she owes him after this week – she’s probably never going to be able to deny him anything again.

-

Ben is extremely tense as he drives towards Jakku, his grip on the steering wheel growing tighter the closer that they get to Rey’s apartment block – which is towards the centre of the estate. Rey thinks that he might be on the verge of a breakdown by the time she tells him to pull over into a small car park situated next to her building. His car is way too nice for where they are and it sticks out in a bad way. It’s probably not wise to leave it unsupervised for too long.

Ben is _angry_ when he enters the apartment block and he doesn’t try to hide it - not _at_ her necessarily - but definitely at the situation. The front door is supposed to be locked to anyone except residents, but Rey has never once seen it shut in the months she’s lived there. The entrance hall is grotty - to say the least – wallpaper peeling off the walls with damp and mould festering beneath it.

That anger only grows when he discovers the elevator hasn’t been serviced in years, although Rey assures him that she doesn’t ever use it and just uses the stairs. Although, the walk up the seven flights of stairs to her floor isn’t particularly nice – there’s a constant smell of weed and stale piss that Rey got used to after a couple of weeks, but Ben’s never _had_ to get used to anything like it.

Rey’s unlocking her door when the Alpha that had accosted her before her heat appears in the hallway. He looks her up and down, and then casts his eyes to Ben, who’s displeasure is rolling off his body in waves.

The Alpha is clearly stupid, though, and decides to open his mouth anyway, “I see you found someone for your heat. That’s a shame. I was really looking forward to having you beg for me.” 

Rey’s hand on Ben’s arm is the only thing holding him back from launching himself at the other Alpha, growl rumbling in his throat as he stares down the other man.

“If I find out you’ve ever even _looked_ at her again,” He threatens, voice deep in the way that only happens when two Alpha’s face off, “I will destroy you.”

Rey pretty much drags him into the flat before the other Alpha has a chance to say something and make things worse. Ben immediately begins a thorough inspection of the apartment, and Rey lets him.

She knows it isn’t _great_ , but it really isn’t _awful_ either. The kitchen is small, and there had been a slight problem with insects for the first couple of months but she’s sure it’s completely sorted by now. There’s an old oven and hob, and she’d got herself a cheap microwave and kettle and toaster. The fridge is dodgy, but it works well enough for what she needs. Ben doesn’t say a word as he searches the cupboards and moves on to the bathroom.

Again, it’s small, but that’s a common theme with the apartment in general. She hears him turn the shower on, and leave it running for the next ten minutes, which is generally the amount of time it takes for the water to heat up. She doesn’t follow him in but she can hear him checking the windows (which someone could theoretically open from the outside quite easily) and then opening a couple of cabinets. Rey cringes slightly when she remembers the wall of mould hidden at the back of them.

He doesn’t say a word until he enters the final room – the bedroom.

“Oh fuck _off_.” It’s a frustrated exclamation – one Rey was entirely expecting to hear from Ben when he discovered that she didn’t technically have a bed. She’d just never seen the point of wasting money on a frame when a mattress of the floor was perfectly fine. It’s quite a nice mattress, actually.

She makes herself comfortable on the kitchen counter (there’s nowhere else for her to sit) whilst she waits for him to emerge. She does understand his frustrations, but honestly there are worse places to be living – she could have no home at _all_.

Finally, he leaves the bedroom with his arms folded across his chest, “How have you been living like this?”

Rey shrugs, “It’s not so bad, really. I’ve lived in worse.” She isn’t lying – after she’d graduated and before she’d got her job, she’d been stuck in a one room hellhole – thank god Ben had never seen that.

“There’s damp and mould _everywhere_ , Rey. It’s freezing. It takes _ages_ for your hot water to work, and all your appliances are ancient. Your door has a basic lock that a child could pick – and your windows don’t have any locks at all. Anyone could get in here.” Ben points out all of these things like Rey doesn’t already know about them.

“No one’s ever tried though,” Rey counters confidently, “and even if they _did_ , I keep a knife in the drawer by my bed. I’m protected.”

“That’s not good enough Rey!” Ben growls out, flinging open one of the kitchen cupboards so hard it almost swings completely off its hinges, “Look at this! There’s absolutely no food here! This is ridiculous!”

“Calm down, Ben.” Rey retorts, sliding off the counter and pointedly shutting the cupboard _softly_.

“No! You’ve been living in this _place_ while I was supposed to be looking after you. I let this happen.” He cries back, gesturing around the flat as if that’ll change Rey’s mind about it.

“No, you didn’t!” Rey bites back, “I broke up with you – I _left_ you. You don’t need to look after me anymore. I’m not your responsibility and I am not your Omega!”

Ben _laughs_ \- like he can’t believe what he’s hearing – voice rising as his frustration grows, “Rey. I will always need to look after you. Even if you’re not my Omega, I will always be your _Alpha_. You could go out tomorrow and meet someone else. You could fall in love and get mated and have pups and it wouldn’t change a _thing_ about how I feel about you.”

“Well it should!” Rey remonstrates furiously, “The whole fucking point of us breaking up was so that you’d go and find an Omega who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I was never good enough for you Ben, and I never will be. The sooner you let go of this mad idea that I am, we’ll both be able to move on and be a lot happier.”

Rey turns her back on Ben, refusing to look at him until she’s pushed back the tears that are welling up in her eyes. She also doesn’t want to see the pained expression that she knows will be present on his face – she’s seen it enough – every time that she’s said something along the same lines over the past few years. She shouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. 

“ _Rey_ ,” Ben exhales softly – pausing to take a couple of deep breaths in attempt to keep both of them as calm as possible, “I’m going to say this and I’m not going to stop. You are _it_ for me. From the moment that I met you there’s been absolutely _no one_ that even comes close to you, and I know in my gut that there never will be. I know you don’t believe me - that you don’t believe in yourself enough to trust me when I say that – but it’s the truth. I know you don’t want to be with me, and I promise I’m okay with that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I _need_ to make sure you’re safe, okay?”

This is a conversation they’ve had before – so many times – the most recent being when they broke up. Rey’s too _tired_ to hash out all the details again. 

“Fine.” She concedes, still not turning to look at him. She supposes she can have some kind of compromise, right? Just because she isn’t dating Ben doesn’t mean he can’t be in her life at all – perhaps that would be good for both of them.

“Good,” Ben seems placated by her one word answer, “Pack whatever you want – preferably everything but if there’s things we need to come back for then that’s fine too-.”

“What?” Rey interrupts incredulously, whirling around to see Ben already heading towards her bedroom.

He looks confused, more than anything – responding like what he says next is obvious, “You’re not staying here.”

Rey doesn’t miss a beat, “I am.”

“We’ve just been through this,” Ben sighs – almost like he’s talking to a toddler, “This apartment isn’t safe and I can’t leave you here on your own. You literally just said you were fine with me looking out for you.”

“Yeah but I didn’t mean moving out of my home!” Rey retorts, “I thought you meant weekly dinners or something.”

Ben rolls his eyes, “You don’t even like it here! You have hardly any things – you don’t even have a bed! If you were really planning on living here long term you would have made it a place that you’re comfortable in.”

He’s right. Rey had never bothered to buy much for this apartment because she didn’t plan on living here forever – Ben isn’t going to know that though, “You’re wrong.”

“ _Rey_ – “ Ben begins to speak, voice deep and rumbling and coming from a place that he has no business in utilising right now.

Rey spits out her interruption, “Don’t you dare command me, Ben. Not about this. Think about what you’re doing before you really piss me off.”

Ben pauses and takes another deep breath – Rey can see the tension drain from his body.

“I’m sorry. I just – I can’t leave you here, I won’t be able to think about anything else except all the bad things that could be happening to you. You don’t have to come round mine – I’ll book you a hotel or something – just don’t make me leave you here.”

Rey takes a step towards Ben and grabs his hand, running her thumb along the gland on his wrist, “I know that this stresses you out, I understand. Think about it this way – I’ve lived here all this time and nothing bad has happened to me. No one’s tried to break in – I haven’t starved or frozen to death – look at me - I’m _fine_.”

“I suppose.” Ben acquiesces, although he sounds anything but happy and Rey knows he still doesn’t want to leave her here.

“How about this?” Rey suggests, “If something happens and I do end up in trouble, like my heating completely stops or my electric won’t work or an angry alpha shows up and breaks my door down, I’ll let you move me out.” Rey decides not to mention the fact that her heating and electric has packed in multiple times since she’s moved in.

Ben just grunts in response.

“Deal?”

“Fine.” Ben agrees, still sounding extremely unhappy about the entire situation.

And then he walks out – without even saying goodbye. He literally just turns around and walks out the apartment and Rey can hardly believe her eyes. Perhaps she’d made him angrier than she thought – or maybe she’d finally pushed him too far and he was leaving her alone for good.

She’s still frozen in confusion when she hears the first crash against the front door and it rattles weakly against its hinges.

Oh. Oh _no_. That absolute _shit_.

Rey’s hardly had time to process what Ben’s doing when there’s another painfully loud crash against the door as it splinters and falls to the side.

Ben is standing on the other side, looking incredibly proud of himself, “Would you look at that - an angry Alpha has broken your door down. Now pack a bag.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, I hope you liked it!  
> I struggled with the line of Ben becoming too overbearing at the end, but then I figured he's an Alpha and like all he really does want to do is keep Rey safe (and also it's my fic init so I'm allowed to write what I want) - but I hope I do get the message across enough that he really is doing what he's sure is best for her, it isn't about him


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys
> 
> First of all I want to say thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter - I'm really happy you enjoyed Ben's solution as much as I did.
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter took a little longer to post - I've started a new job and I've got uni deadlines coming up so your gals a bit busy at the moment - the next chapter hopefully wont be too long though (I've also upped the count again, oopsies)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter - I really love the last half so I hope you guys do too xoxo
> 
> TW: Nightmares (nothing particularly detailed though), discussions of past child abandonment

Rey sulks in the car on the way back to Ben’s apartment – full on pouting with her arms crossed against her chest and emitting as many pissed off pheromones as she could. She had given Ben the landlords number – and let him sort out whatever he had to do with the door and breaking her lease whilst she packed up her things extremely loudly with lots of huffing and angry grabbing to remind Ben that she wasn’t at all happy about this.

“Don’t be mad.” Ben finally speaks – way too casually, fingers tapping against the steering wheel as he drives.

“I _am_ mad.” Rey retorts quickly.

“Why? Because I’m taking you out of the shithole you’ve been living in and giving you a nice place to live?” Ben ripostes.

“Yes.”

Ben snorts in amusement.

Dick – this isn’t _funny_. 

“I don’t know why you’re laughing – you’re practically kidnapping me!” Rey exclaims

Ben chuckles _again_ \- it almost sounds _fond_ , “You’re so dramatic.”

“ _I’m_ dramatic?” Rey retorts incredulously, “You literally just broke my front door down so that I would have to come and stay with you – that’s big creep behaviour.”

He just shrugs, voice nonchalant and not at all reacting to any of Rey’s words, which only serves to piss her off even more, “I said I’d pay for a hotel if you’d prefer.”

“That would literally be worse,” She huffs, “I don’t want you spending your money on me.”

“You’re still getting the choice – I don’t think that’s usually an option when you’re kidnapped.” Ben remarks dryly – not entertaining any of Rey’s objections.

Rey rolls her eyes, even though she knows Ben isn’t looking at her to see it happen, “I’m sleeping in the spare room.”

“Of course.” He doesn’t bat an eyelid.

“I’m paying rent while I stay.” She can’t be freeloading off him – can’t let herself become too reliant on him again.

Ben swallows at that one, and Rey knows the Alpha inside of him is urging him to _provide_ , but he also must be aware that he’s pushed her far enough today, “If that’s what you want.”

“And I’m leaving as soon as I find another apartment.” This was _not_ going to be permanent – it wouldn’t work out in the long term. Everybody knows that exes aren’t supposed to live together.

“I’ll help you find somewhere perfect – and I’ll help you move in. I’ll even pop round for some surprise inspections to make sure you haven’t taken yourself off to some death trap again.” Ben responds saccharinely.

“You’re an asshole.”

“I know.”

-

Rey already _hates_ the spare room and she’s only been sitting in there for a grand total of about thirty minutes. Her original plan was to spend her time alone and sulking until Ben felt bad enough to apologise – but it’s harder than she originally anticipated to stay away from him. It’s _strange_ \- knowing he’s just a wall away from her and not being _with_ him.

She’s sure he feels just as weird about it, however unaffected he’s acting by her negative reactions, she knows him well enough to be sure that he’ll take absolutely no pleasure in them. It’s just _hard_ \- all Ben has done is prove that he’s an amazing person and Alpha over and over again and Rey only wishes she deserved it.

They need to talk – properly – about everything that’s happened and everything that’s going to happen. No arguments or rash decisions or actions led by biology. Just a real, upfront, honest conversation in which they set some clear boundaries and expectations – maybe even set some rules for while their living together again. The last thing either of them need is to get too close to each other again.

Rey knows that she isn’t always great at being upfront, though. Being upfront is too close to being confrontational and being confrontational can get you into situations you don’t want to be in. She’s seen it happen enough times in her life to learn better.

She also knows she doesn’t need to worry about that with Ben.

She _is_ angry at him – he had absolutely no right to do what he did at the apartment, and she’s sure he would have been slightly more reasonable if his hormones weren’t so spiked from her heat – but she also knows he only did it because he cares about her.

He shouldn’t. If everything had gone to plan Ben would be settled with some other Omega by now and Rey would be alone but coping somewhere. It was Rey’s plan, though, she supposes. Ben never had to go along with it.

He’d be happier if he had, though. Rey is sure of that, because currently he has his ex living in his apartment – and if they aren’t careful then things will go wrong.

When Rey finally leaves her room, she finds Ben sitting in the sofa – the TV is on but it’s quiet and he’s also scrolling through his phone – clearly not particularly focused on either screen. He stops as soon as she walks in, looking up to where she’s hovering by the door.

“What do you want for dinner? I don’t have tons of food in the house still but I should be able to pull something together – a curry, maybe.” He’s already beginning to push himself to his feet – mind clearly set on the kitchen.

Rey stops him with her words, “Why are you doing this, Ben?” 

It’s a valid question - and she doesn’t need to expand on it for him to know what she means. Why is he acting like the last six months didn’t happen and treating her like he’s responsible for her when he _isn’t_.

“You know why.” Ben’s answer is just as unspecific as the question, but again, it says a lot more than it sounds like. For some reason he still cares about her – maybe even _loves_ her – and the fact that she broke his heart doesn’t seem to matter at all.

“Fine, but I don’t _understand_. You should hate me – for what I did to you.”

Ben frowns as if that concept pains him slightly, and shakes his head a little, “I could never hate you, Rey.”

“I don’t know why,” Rey responds pitifully, “You gave me everything for years and I gave you nothing in return except stress and pain and worry and then I left. You were supposed to move on, you know? Forget about me and be happy with someone else.”

“ _No_ , Rey,” Ben shakes his head resolutely, “You gave me _everything_. You gave me _you_. I got to know you and love you and kiss you and have sex with you and you trusted me enough to give me all those things. You gave me love and happiness and acceptance and you made me feel like I was worth something to you. That isn’t nothing.”

“Don’t you see that’s not true? I’ve given you _parts_ of me at best – broken, empty parts that you did your best to try and build up but I can’t give you enough of them,” Rey ignores the crack in her voice – the words she’s saying seem to want to get stuck in her throat, “There are so many things you don’t know about me, and that’s my fault. You’ve done nothing but support me and I still don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you about them. You don’t even _know me_ , not really.”

Ben’s looking at her with kind, soft eyes – shaking his head as she speaks, “I don’t _care_ about those things – what you haven’t told me is your own choice, and you don’t owe it to me or anyone else to talk about it unless it’s something you want to do. I _do_ know you, though. I know your favourite food and the music you listen to when you’re sad and the TV shows you like to watch when you’re stressed and the sound of your laugh and the shape of your smile and so much more and _those_ are the things that make you who you are, not things that happened to you in the past.”

Rey wants to bang her head against a wall – why won’t he just _understand_ , “It’s not _enough_. Don’t you realise that there’s someone better for you out there? That can love you how you deserve to be loved? They’ll have everything I have, minus the bad shit, and so much more on top of that and you’ll be able to get mated and have babies and don’t even pretend for a second that you don’t want those things because I know you do.”

“Yes, I would like to be mated and I want to have children – but I _only_ want those things with _you_. They aren’t things I _need_ to live a fulfilled life – but you _are_. I could live the rest of my life happily never being mated or having pups as long as I have you, Rey. There’s no compromise – you are the only person I could ever dream of having that life with. If it isn’t with you, I don’t want it – and that’s perfectly fine with me. I’d pick having you in my life over those things without hesitation.” He’s telling the truth – meeting her gaze with a sincerity in his own that’s slightly intimidating. They’re close to each other – a only a few feet separating them. Rey isn’t quite sure when Ben moved – but he did and now he’s so close she could reach out and touch him. She won’t, though.

“That isn’t fair on you, Ben. You don’t have to choose between me and the other things you want from your life.” Rey is desperate for Ben to see what she does – but he won’t.

“There is no _choice_ , Rey. Even if I wanted to be with somebody else, I don’t think I could be. I felt so connected to you since the first moment we _met_ \- I knew there and then that no one else would ever compare to you and I was right. I’m not saying I want to get back together – not that I don’t – but what I am saying is I’m not interested in anyone else right now, and I don’t think I ever will be.”

“That’ll change one day – it will.” Rey is sure of it – she knows that someone like Ben has got to have an equal match somewhere in this world, and he will find them one day.

Ben doesn’t respond for a moment, the fact that he won’t be changing Rey’s mind tonight clearly settling in. He doesn’t stay silent for long though, lips morphing into a small smile as he attempts to lighten the mood in the room, “You’re so fucking _stubborn_ \- you know how many people would be falling at my feet after a speech like that?” 

Rey does laugh in response – but it’s slightly forced. Ben appreciates the effort anyway.

“How about we try something new,” He suggests, “Friends. We’ll just be friends. No pressure from either of us to be anything more or anything less – it might be good for us.”

He’s right – they were never really just _friends_. From their first meeting Ben had never hidden the fact that he was interested in Rey romantically – and even if certain aspects of their relationship took a long time to happen, it was always a romantic connection that they shared.

“Yeah, friends would be good.” Rey nods, ignoring how thick the words taste on her tongue.

-

They stick to the agreement perfectly – for the first week, at least. Rey sleeps in the guest room and Ben stays in his and they both wake up in the morning and go to work and come home and exist at a perfectly safe distance from one another.

That changes when the nightmares come back. Well – can it really be classed as coming back if they’ve never been away for an extended period of time at all?

Rey wakes in the middle of the night with her heart pounding out of her chest and her blood rushing through her veins, but least she hasn’t woken up screaming this time.

She shivers – even though it’s not really that cold. The memories of the dreams are already fading, but she knows enough – she was alone and lost and trapped. Like always.

She tries to get back to sleep by herself – she really does - but she can’t. That’s not exactly uncommon. When she’s been alone these past few months, she’s usually just given up on sleep entirely after a bad dream. She isn’t alone this time, though. Not really.

She can hear Ben’s soft snores from the other room. She’s sure she could get back to sleep if she was closer to him, she _knows it_ – and she’s so tired. One night won’t hurt, will it? If he doesn’t want her in his bed, he’ll just tell her to leave.

She pads across the hallway and into Ben’s room, pausing for a moment by the side of the bed before slipping under the covers as quietly as she can. He hardly moves as she curls up beside him, simply opening up his arms and allowing her to snuggle into his side, back curved into his chest with his arm resting over her torso.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Ben murmurs, voice heavy with sleep.

“Yeah.” Rey confirms, quietly, throat dry. Ben squeezes her a little tighter, his way of showing he’s here and that he cares. He never pushes for details, and she’s never felt inclined to give them before, but tonight something is different. She doesn’t know what is it, but something new seems to be happening tonight. 

She opens her mouth before she can think better of it.

“When I was five my parents left me in the bathroom of a service station off the highway in the desert. I went for a wee, and when I came out of the toilet, they were gone. It was in the middle of nowhere – nothing but road and sand for miles. I – I don’t remember much – I just know I was waiting for hours on my own outside before someone found me. I don’t know what I did but I do know how I felt. I was in the dark and it was so cold and I was lost and alone and I realised that no one was coming back for me. I still feel that way a lot – sometimes I think that I never stopped – I’m just cold and lost in the dark and I know that no one’s coming to get me.”

Ben takes a moment to respond – Rey notes the way that his muscles tense up as he takes in the information. She’d told him the basics before – that she doesn’t remember her parents and she grew up in the foster system and was treated badly. This is the most she’s spoken about her past in the entirety of the time that they’ve known each other.

He presses his lips to the back of her shoulder, a soft gesture full of reverence and promise. When he speaks his voice is low and steady and calming. 

“I’ll always come and get you, Rey. Wherever you are, however lost you’re feeling – I will come for you. Always.”

-

Ben doesn’t bring it up the next day – by the time Rey wakes up he’s already in the kitchen making breakfast – pancakes – by the smell of it – and that’s the only thing that’s vaguely out of the ordinary. Ben usually maintained that pancakes were only for special occasions.

She heads into the kitchen as he’s plating them up – chocolate chip for her and blueberry for him – just like normal.

He puts the pancakes on the table in front of her and passes her the syrup and asks what she’s got to do at work today. She tells him – there’s a couple of meetings and a deadline for next week that she’s concentrating on – and then they eat in silence.

Rey knows that she has a choice – she can choose not to talk about last night and never bring up anything about her past again – or she can tell Ben a bit more. He won’t push her in either direction, it’s entirely up to her.

She eats her final few bites of pancakes, puts her cutlery down on to the empty plate, and speaks, “When they found me, I didn’t know my surname or where I was from or my parents names and there weren’t any reports of missing children matching my description. They couldn’t find any matches in any database so they don’t think my birth was even ever properly registered. My parents didn’t get caught on any cameras and I’ve never found out who they were – are – I don’t know – they really could be anywhere or anybody. After a few months the authorities gave up trying to find out who I was so they gave me a random surname and assigned me a date of birth estimated on how old they thought I was and officially put me into the system.”

Ben stays quiet – face unmoving whilst he lets her speak. Only after she finishes does he reach his hand across the table and lace his hand over her own where it’s resting against the surface, “Is that what you’re talking about when you say you’re nobody?” 

Rey nods. It’s true, isn’t it? “I don’t know my real name, where I come from, who my parents are, my birthday – nothing.”

“Those things don’t make you any less of a person, Rey. Birthplaces and parents and birthdays aren’t the things that define who you are. Your heart does, and your mind. All those special little things that you do, Rey, those are the things that make you somebody. The fact that you prefer TV shows to films because you can’t concentrate on anything for more than an hour and that pretty much the only food you refuse to eat is avocado and that you hate wearing matching socks are the things that make you somebody. You’ve never been a nobody, and you never will be, especially not to me.”

Ben sounds so confident - so _sure_ of himself - that Rey finds herself really wanting to believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go - please let me know what you think! Comments and kudos really do make me so happy!! xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! First of all I'm sorry for the wait but I hope this chapter makes up for it!
> 
> Thanks so much for all the comments, I'm honestly still blown away by how many of you are reading and enjoying. Any feedback honestly makes me so happy.
> 
> So this chapter we've got more of Rey's past and then a lil but of smut at the end because why not
> 
> TW: Implied claustrophobia and PTSD/flashbacks. Discussions of past child abuse (verbal and physical).
> 
> I hope you enjoy xoxo

The following weeks are calm. Rey didn’t know what she expected to happen after telling Ben about her parents, but it certainly wasn’t for everything to feel normal. It does though – feel normal – in the best way. She doesn’t feel uncomfortable or anxious about Ben knowing this deep secret she’d kept hidden for years – he doesn’t try and make her talk about it or treat her differently – he’s just the same old Ben that he always is with her.

They’re doing quite a good job at being friends, too. They only sleep in the same bed as each other _sometimes_ , and when they do it’s always just cuddling - never anything more - no matter how tempting Rey finds it when Ben wanders around with no shirt on.

They _are_ butting heads slightly when it comes to searching for Rey’s new apartment. They have very different ideas abut what her budget should be, and about what’s a necessity in an apartment and what would just be a bonus. They haven’t found one that they even remotely agree on yet. Something in the back of Rey’s mind is telling her that perhaps she’s being a bit difficult about it because she’s enjoying living with Ben and doesn’t particularly _want_ to leave just yet, and she’s aware that Ben is possibly acting the way he is for similar reasons.

She’ll give it a couple more weeks though – it’s not like they’re doing each other any harm. Being friends with Ben _is_ nice. There’s no pressure about any future or next steps they need to take, it’s just stable and solid and _nice_.

Rey can’t think of a reason why she’d want to change that yet.

-

Rey wraps her arms around herself as she steps into the elevator, rubbing her hands against them in a vain attempt to try and warm up from the chill outside. She really should have taken a warmer coat to work this morning. Ben had told her to but she’d just rolled her eyes and told him to stop worrying.

She’s about halfway to Ben’s floor when there’s a sudden jolt and the elevator stops moving – the lights flickering a couple of times before turning off completely – plunging her into complete darkness.

Rey doesn’t move for a moment, holding her breath as she waits for any sign of movement – whether that’s going to be the lift restarting and moving upwards or for it to plunge downwards. The former option would be preferable, or even just the lights coming back on.

There’s nothing.

It’s dark – so dark that she can’t see a thing and Rey can already feel the walls closing in on her. She inhales a shaky breath, followed by a few more deep breaths in an attempt to calm her heart rate. It doesn’t work. It’s too _dark_ and too _small_ and too much like when she was a kid.

She can almost hear his voice.

 _Get in there you little bitch and you’re not coming out until you’ve learnt some fucking respect_.

No. She’s not there. He’s not _here_. She’s in the elevator in Ben’s building and she’s _fine_.

 _I don’t give a fuck if it’s dark, stop being so pathetic. It’s your own fault I’m doing this – rude little shit. It’s time for you to learn that your actions have consequences_.

She can almost _feel_ one greasy hand wrapped around her arm and the other pulling at her hair as she’s dragged down the hallway.

Rey shakes her head in an attempt to clear the thoughts – ignoring her rapid breaths and shaking hands as she scrabbles blindly for her phone in her bag. She pulls it out and switches the torch straight on – it’s not that bright but it’s enough light for now – enough to remind her that she’s in an elevator on her own and nowhere else.

Then she calls Ben.

He answers straight away, “Hi Rey – are you on the way home yet? I was just about to ring you, there’s been a power cut in the building.”

Rey lets out a short, sardonic laugh, “I’m in the elevator.”

Ben inhales sharply – she can hear him jump up from wherever he was sitting and a moment later he begins typing away at his laptop. He’s probably trying to make someone at the front desk aware that she’s in the lift, or he could be single-handedly trying to fix the power outage now that he knows where she is. She wouldn’t put it past him.

“Is there anyone else there?” He asks a moment later.

“No, just me.” That’s how it always is in the end, isn’t it? Being alone is nothing new for her.

“How are you feeling?” Is Ben’s next question.

“Okay, I think.” Rey knows she doesn’t sound convincing; she can hear the tremble in her voice and Ben must hear it too. He wouldn’t believe her if she tried to outright lie anyway.

“You’ll be okay, I promise. The power will be back on soon and while we wait, we’re gonna keep talking, okay?” Ben’s voice is soft, but his tone is also stern. He won’t _let_ her hang up the phone until the elevator is moving again or she’s managed to get out of it, not that she’s planning on it.

“Yeah,” Rey exhales, “It’s just – it’s dark. I’ve got my phone torch but – it’s still so dark.”

Ben ponders those words for a moment before giving his next instructions, “I want you to close your eyes for me and imagine a room with massive windows, so much sun shining through them that it fills every corner of the room. Like in that hotel we went to in New York. That’s where we’re going to be, alright? Me and you together in that room with the windows and the sun.”

Rey follows the instructions, letting her eyes shut and her mind fill with images of the hotel room in New York. Ben had taken her on the trip for her birthday last year. She’d never been before and they did the full tourist experience – going up the empire state building and the statue of liberty and eating at famous restaurants and going to the theatre. The hotel was the fanciest place she’d ever stayed in, and she’d loved every moment.

“Can you see it?” He asks softly.

“I can.” She’s picturing a particular moment – the first morning when they’d awoken wrapped around each other with the sun shining in through the windows to warm them up and the loudness of the city far below them. It’s almost enough to ignore the cold still seeped into her bones.

“Good girl.” Ben sounds proud – she’s not sure there’s a better feeling than that of knowing she’s made him happy. He was happy that weekend in New York.

Rey had been happy too. She had been happy after telling Ben about her parents, as well.

“Ben.”

“Yes, Rey?”

“I’m going to tell you why I don’t like the dark – and small spaces.” It’s an impulsive choice, she knows, but she’s sure she’ll be okay.

Ben pauses, and concern is obvious in his next words, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to do this now? Maybe we should wait until you’re back in the apartment.”

“I want to do it now. We’re in the hotel, remember?” Rey insists, eyes are still clenched tightly shut. She’s still picturing Ben lying in the bed opposite her – a fond smile on his face as they bask in the sun.

“Tell me whatever you feel comfortable with, but if it gets too much you have to promise me that you’ll stop, okay?” Ben still sounds unconvinced, and Rey can understand his worry. If she did get upset, he can’t currently get to her. Rey feels surprisingly calm and in control right now, though. She doubts that she’ll ever feel any better when faced with the prospect of telling Ben more about her past.

“I promise,” She assures him through the phone, taking one final deep breath before she begins, “When I was eight, I was placed in the care of a man called Unkar Plutt. There were a few other foster children in the home and we were all treated badly – he’d make us work for basic necessities, and he’d punish us if we didn’t do enough, or we ‘misbehaved’, or generally did anything he didn’t like.” 

Rey swallows, throat suddenly dry and scratchy. Her next words are choked. They don’t want to come out. They want to stay hidden and enclosed in some dark place inside of her – but she’s got her eyes shut and she can see all the sun streaming through the windows and she’s with Ben and she can do this. “Sometimes he’d hit us, or he wouldn’t let us eat for days, but the worst thing was – there was this _cupboard_. It was tiny and dirty and it smelt so bad. There was no light or windows and he would shut me in and lock the door and I would just have to sit there in the dark and wait until he let me out. When I was young, I would get so scared that I’d wet myself, and then I’d get in trouble for that, too.”

Rey can hear the way that Ben’s breath catches as he listens. It’s almost easier telling him this when they’re not in the same room, she’s grateful that she doesn’t have to see the expression on his face, or smell the shift in his scent that will betray whatever emotions he’s feeling.

“Plutt really didn’t like Omegas, either. I think I was ten when I first began to present, and things just got worse after that. All I heard from that point was how stupid and worthless I was, how Omegas were good for nothing except having babies and staying quiet. I didn’t really understand the things that he’d say, but I got the general gist of it – Omegas were nothing, I was an Omega, therefore, I was nothing.” Rey chews on the inside of her cheek, focusing on the feeling of that rather than the memories of Plutt’s drunken tirades beginning to creep back into her mind.

“I’ll hunt him down, Rey, I will. For doing those things to you, for making you feel that way. If you want me to, I’ll make sure that he pays for what he did.” Ben’s words are a promise – a vow.

Rey’s about to respond, about to tell Ben that she appreciates the offer but it doesn’t matter because Plutt died years ago, when she hears a beep and opens her eyes to see the lights flickering on and the elevator begins to move again. Thirty seconds later the doors open and Ben is waiting for her on the other side, pulling her into a hug so tight it knocks the breath out of her for a moment.

“I’m okay, Ben. I promise.” Rey’s words are muffled by his chest.

Ben hums – unconvinced, “You’re cold. I told you to take a warmer jacket.”

He still loosens his grip though, just enough to allow Rey to wriggle far enough from his chest that she can look up and see his face. Their eyes meet and it’s obvious their both attempting to gage how the other is really feeling. Rey can still scent Ben’s panic in the air, and she’s sure her own scent isn’t the most relaxed it’s ever been. 

“I’m fine.” She repeats – talking about the cold and the elevator. She really is, as fine as she can be, anyway. Honestly, she’s impressed with herself. She could have completely lost it in there but she _didn’t_. She stayed calm and called Ben and she really was okay.

“I know,” Ben concedes, dropping a kiss on to the crown of her head that has Rey wanting to melt into his arms, “But please let me look after you, just for tonight. Need to show you how special you are.”

Ben’s request is obviously as much for him as it is to make her feel better, and Rey hardly thinks for a second before she’s nodding and Ben’s bundling her down the hallway and into the apartment. He gets her out of her work clothes and into some fluffy pyjamas, wrapping a blanket round her shoulders before sitting her down on the couch and placing a steaming mug of hot chocolate in her hands – all the while showering her with compliments and quick kisses on her head and hands and cheek.

Rey has to admit that she’s missed this – Ben always had a way of making her feel like the most important person on the planet, and it’s hard not to feel that way when he’s showering her in attention like he is now. He settles down next to her, his own hot drink held in his hands, and waits for her to begin talking.

He’s giving her a choice. Once again, its up to her to decide if she wants to keep telling Ben about Plutt and what came after, or if she wants to talk about something completely different. He doesn’t try and steer the conversation at all, and that only makes Rey more inclined to tell him more.

“I left Plutt’s when I was thirteen. He said I’d become too difficult, that I was violent and angry, but really I think he just wanted me gone before I had my first heat. Not that it was a bad thing. Getting away from Plutt was the best thing that could have happened to me. He died a few years after that anyway. Apparently it was natural causes but I always thought it might have been something else. He was mixed up with a lot of dodgy people.” It crosses Rey’s mind that she isn’t supposed to speak ill of the dead, but if there was anything Plutt deserved it was to be spoke ill of. 

“I hope whatever happened to him was painful.” Ben also has no qualms about it, clearly.

Rey snorts in agreement, “The new home was actually nice to be at. It was falling apart and underfunded and cramped – but the other kids were kind – the staff cared. I didn’t get hit or starved or shut in cupboards – I thought I was in heaven. One of the girls who worked there was an Omega too, and it was the first time I really had someone to talk to about it, you know? I found out that it wasn’t something that made me a bad person. I had my first heat there when I was fifteen. It was horrific, but I had the attic room which locked and the staff were the only ones with a key and they made sure I had food and water and everything I needed to get through it on my own. It was bearable. I really liked it at that home, but when I was almost seventeen it got shut down because there wasn’t enough money, and I was moved to a new one.”

Rey will forever be bitter that the home got shut down. It was far from perfect, but it had been the first place she felt truly cared for. Things could have been so different if she’d been able to stay there until she was eighteen, but she couldn’t, and things fell apart like they always did.

Rey becomes very aware in that exact moment that she’s finished talking for today. She isn’t ready for Ben to know what comes next just as much as she isn’t ready to actually admit it.

Ben must notice the shift in her demeanour if his concerned eyes and suddenly tensed muscles mean anything.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Rey’s words are final, punctuated by the placement of her empty mug on to the coffee table.

Ben mirrors her actions, putting his mug next to hers before wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into his chest, “That’s okay. You’ve been through a lot today. I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”

Rey nods into his torso, inhaling deeply and letting his scent wash over her. She wants it to calm her – to settle her brain down like it usually does but it’s not working. She’s still on edge and nervy and she doesn’t feel _right_. Ben knows, because he always does, and begins to tell her about his day. About his meetings at work and the difficult client who wanted to change up their contract even though they’d signed it just last week and how Hux had bought some seafood in for lunch and stunk out the entire office with it but it’s still not enough for Rey to get her brain to switch off from where it’s planted itself in the mist of the past.

“Rey,” Ben’s voice strains to break through the haze, “Tell me what you need.”

Rey pauses for a moment – what does she _need_? 

She needs more, a distraction. Something that will pull her back to the now.

She readjusts herself, lifting a leg to swing over his own so that she’s straddling him in the couch, Ben’s hands automatically dropping to her waist to steady her. She lifts her own to his cheek, running a thumb across the day-old stubble she finds there.

“Distract me, Ben.” Rey exhales, leaning down to drop soft kisses along his jaw.

“Is that what you need, Omega?” Ben’s voice is already lower than normal, “Need me to look after you?”

“Please, Alpha,” Rey confirms, “Make me feel good.”

Ben doesn’t need telling again, crashing his lips against Rey’s and immediately working a hand down the front of her pyjama bottoms. There isn’t much of a build up before he’s slipping his first finger inside of her, but Rey doesn’t want there to be. Right now she needs something hard and fast and all-consuming so that she doesn’t have to _think_.

Ben understands without her having to say it, swallowing the wrecked moan that escapes her lips as he works in a second finger, twisting them in just the right way to shoot sparks up Rey’s spine.

“You always get so wet for me, Omega,” Ben growls as he pistons his fingers in and out of her, “Always take my fingers so well, don’t you?”

Rey whines out some sort of agreement, curling her fingers into Ben’s shirt to anchor herself against him.

“Yeah, you do, my pretty girl. So good for me.” Ben continues lowly, earning what can only be described as a squeal from Rey when his thumb brushes against her clit.

“Alpha, more, please.” She groans out as she grinds against his fingers.

Ben chuckles, and Rey can feel the vibrations from his chest, “You want another one?”

She nods frantically, head buried in the crook of his neck. Ben’s hand that isn’t currently inside of her is splayed out across her back, holding her steady as her legs begin to shake in the tell-tale sign of an oncoming orgasm.

“There you go, Sweetheart.” Ben exhales as he pushes a third finger into her, stretching her so perfectly that Rey can’t quite remember why they hadn’t been doing this for the past few weeks.

He isn’t holding anything back right now, three fingers fucking into her cunt while his thumb circles her clit purposefully – relentlessly. Rey feels powerful even as she comes ever closer to falling apart for him.

“I’m gonna come, Alpha,” She manages to choke out, voice high and cracked, “ _Ben_.”

“That’s it, Rey. Come on my fingers like a good Omega. That’s it. Go on. Want to feel you all over my hand.” Ben’s words are the final push Rey needs, pussy clenching tightly around his fingers as sparks fly through her veins, her cry of pleasure muffled by Ben’s neck.

She rocks slowly against his fingers as she comes down, riding them through the aftershocks and finally noticing the way Ben’s other hand is circling the skin of her back. Finally, he pulls his fingers from her underwear, lifting them to his mouth and cleaning them off with his tongue before crooking his lips into a smirk.

“Feeling better?”

Rey rolls her eyes, still catching her breath, “It’s unfair how good at that you are.”

“You know I’m a man of many talents, Sweetheart.” Ben retorts playfully, smirk still plastered on his face.

Rey can't resist kissing it away. She's already dragged them over the lines they'd drawn, what's the harm in one more kiss?

“Thank you.” She speaks seriously when she pulls away. She's thankful for a lot of things, not just him getting her off to distract her from her own brain, but everything he's done for her, today and in the past.

“Anytime.” Ben's response is just as sincere, and Rey knows he means it literally. 

She could ask him for anything, and he'd give it to her without a second of hesitation.

But that's exactly why she can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go - the end is unexpectedly angsty but yeet this whole story is a pile of stress you really shouldn't expect anything else at this point. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think and I'll try and get the next chapter out a bit faster
> 
> see you soon xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! I'm so sorry for the wait, life got a bit crazy for a few months there and I had no time (or motivation honestly) to write, but here we are!!
> 
> Thank you all for the kind comments on the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one. 
> 
> TW: vomiting (because of alcohol)

Rey twists her body so that she can see her full reflection the mirror, smoothing the black material of her dress down as she considers whether she’s making a good choice. Rose had asked her out for drinks tonight – an offer that was usually just extended to be polite that Rey would always decline – but this time she had shocked both of them when she had said yes.

She’s still not quite sure why she did. She’s never been the biggest fan of nights out and she definitely isn’t a big drinker – there’s too many variables and risks for her to relax when she’s intoxicated – but for once in her life the idea of letting everything go for a night seems inviting. So much has been going on the past few weeks – having Ben back in her life is amazing but she knows she’s just inevitably setting them both u for more pain when she can’t be around him all the time again. 

Things between them have been _interesting_ \- to say the least - since the day of the power cut. She spends almost every night in his bed now, and more often than not they end up engaging in some sort of sexual act. It’s just so hard to resist him when he’s right _there_. Ben’s been more attentive than ever, too. Probably because he knows that something with Rey isn’t _right_.

That’s the downside of telling Ben about her past, she’s discovered. Now she can’t stop thinking about all the things he _doesn’t_ know, that she isn’t _ready_ to tell him yet. She’s done all she could for the past however many years to block the bad memories out completely – ignoring them in the hopes that one day maybe they’d just disappear – but now that she’s started telling Ben certain things, her brain seems to be pushing her to tell him _everything_.

It’s constantly on her mind, and Ben knows that somethings bothering her. She can’t tell him what’s bothering her yet, though.

So here she is; dressed up, heels on, make-up done and ready to go and meet Rose. 

Ben wanders into the room, looking at his phone and muttering something about Hux, but his focus shifts when he sees Rey in front of the mirror. 

“Do you like it?” Rey questions, a bit teasingly when the look on Ben’s face implies that he _definitely_ likes it – but also, it’s been so long since she’s dressed up like this that she really isn’t sure if it’s too much or not.

“You look gorgeous, sweetheart.” Ben responds, gliding towards her until he’s stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. 

“Thanks.” Rey already feels slightly breathless at just the light touch of his hands on her waist. She keeps her eyes trained on their reflection – they _do_ look good together. They always have. Ben is so tall and broad, and whilst Rey herself isn’t short he still somehow towers over her in the best way.

“Who’s going out tonight?” He asks, lips almost brushing against her ear as he speaks.

“Just me and Rose.” Rey answers absent-mindedly.

Ben bites the inside of his lip, a spike of worry permeating the air, “Just you two? What about Finn and Poe?”

Rey raises an eyebrow at Ben’s clearly unwarranted concern, “They have a date night - going to see something at the theatre I think.” 

“Oh, okay,” Ben pauses for a moment, as if his considering his options, “Do you want me to come?”

Rey rolls her eyes, “It’s a girl’s night, Ben. You hate clubbing anyway.”

“I don’t hate it,” Ben retorts extremely unconvincingly, “Will you two be okay on your own? You know what some people are like when they see Omegas on their own.”

Rey bristles – she hates when Ben does this. She looked after herself for a long time before she met him, “We’ll be fine – stop being ridiculous. We’re both adults that know how to look after ourselves.”

“I know, Rey. I’m sorry. I just worry.” Ben apologises, beginning to drop soft kisses down the side of her neck as a very effective distraction technique.

“You don’t need to.” Rey attempts to bite back, but Ben’s paying particular attention to a spot right next to her mating gland and his hands have dropped down to the glands her wrists and it’s like he’s really trying to turn her on or-

He’s fucking scenting her. 

She understands _why_ he’s doing it. If she smells like Ben, she isn’t going to get approached by any other Alphas unless they’re insane, but she didn’t _ask_ Ben to do that. He’s treating her like a stupid child that needs protecting and babying and that can’t do anything for itself. Again.

Rey shoves him away as soon as she realises what he’s doing, “What the fuck, Ben?”

“I’m just _trying_ to look after you Rey.” He’s trying to stay calm; Rey can tell from the new tenseness in his shoulders and the way his voice has dropped.

“And I told _you_ that I’m an adult that can look after herself! You know I’m not some helpless little Omega! You should have at least _asked_ before you decided you were going to scent me like some territorial overprotective Alpha!” Rey fulminates, shooting daggers at Ben.

“You would have said no.” He at least has the self-awareness to look sheepish when he says that, but it definitely doesn’t help.

“Exactly! I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but we’re not back together. Even if we _were_ together and you pulled something like that I’d be pissed, but right now you really have no right.” Rey continues to rage, unable to get over Ben’s _audacity_.

“Okay, I admit that maybe I overstepped, but come on, Rey,” Ben beseeches, “You’ve been living here for the past _month_. We kiss, we cuddle, we have sex and act pretty much the exact same as we did when we were dating. You can’t say that’s nothing.”

He isn’t _wrong_. Rey knows she’s let herself get too comfortable, and this just proves it. She’s been leading him on when she has no intention of staying. She takes a deep, steadying breath, “I know – I’ve let it go too far.” 

“What do you mean?” Ben sounds worried now, he probably should be.

“I mean that clearly it’s time for me to get myself together and move out so we both know where we stand.” Rey replies, grabbing what she needs for the night out and shoving it into her bag so she can get out of the apartment as soon as she can, even if it is just for the next few hours.

Ben visibly deflates, shoulders drooping as he releases the tension form his muscles and seems to shrink to half the size that he was just moments ago, “You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do,” Rey insists, trying not to focus on the sad aura now surrounding Ben, “First thing tomorrow morning I’ll book some apartment viewings.”

“Rey, please let’s just talk about this a bit more–“ Ben’s trying but he probably knows as well as she does that there’s no point. She’s angry and she’s made up her mind and it definitely won’t be changing tonight.

“No. I’ve got to go, my uber will be here soon,” Leaving now is an excuse to end the conversation and they both know it, but Rey ignores that fact as she heads for the door, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

-

The impromptu walk out of the apartment means that Rey’s about half an hour early arriving at the bar where she’s meeting Rose. She takes that time to order herself a cocktail, finds a booth in the corner of the bar and wallows. She knows she might have been a bit harsh on Ben, but what he did _was_ out of order. Scenting an Omega is stereotypical overbearing Alpha behaviour that, for Rey at least, was reserved for heats and the times she and Ben were going to be apart for an extended period of time – not just because she’s going on a night out and definitely not when they aren’t even in a relationship

She can’t stand him sometimes – especially when she feels bad about her reaction simply because of how _good_ he’s been to her. It really is best for them both to get this whole situation over with as soon as they can, and hopefully before any more…disagreements.

Rey is pulled out of her thoughts by the appearance of Rose in the doorway, and other girl buys a couple of drinks before joining her in the booth.

They share general niceties and have a quick catch-up before Rose decides that enough time has been spent on small talk. She looks Rey up and down, raises an eyebrow, and asks, “So, tell me what’s happening with Ben.”

“Nothing is happening with Ben.” Rey attempts to play dumb, avoiding looking Rose in the eye and swirling the straw around her drink. It was never going to work.

Rose scoffs, “Bullshit. His smell is all over you.”

“That’ll be because he decided he had to scent me when he found out it was just us two going out tonight and there wouldn’t be any big Alpha’s to protect us.” Rey informs Rose bitterly, taking a long sip of her drink. She’s almost finished this one – she’ll need another soon.

Rose grimaces and scrunches her nose in disgust, “Oh for fucks sake. I don’t understand why Alphas feel the need to act like animals – Ben’s never been able to hold back his protective bullshit. I hope you let him have it.”

“Oh, I did,” Rey assures lowly, “And I told him that I’m going to start looking at apartments tomorrow. I think this all just proves that I’ve been staying with him for too long.”

Rose bites her lip and pulls a face just _screams_ that she has something to say that Rey _knows_ she isn’t going to like.

“What?” Rey huffs when Rose still doesn’t actually _say_ anything.

Her friend takes a long sip of her drink before responding, “I just don’t know why you even need to move out at all.”

“Yes, you do,” Rey sighs, “This was only ever supposed to be temporary, and while me and Ben are around each other neither of us is moving on.”

Rose isn’t finished, “Why do you need to move on, though? Can you just explain to me why you _can’t_ get back together – that’s what I don’t understand. Ben worships the ground you walk on, and you obviously still love him as well. What would be so bad if you started dating again?” She questions.

“Ben is so out of my league, Rose, in just about every aspect of life. I don’t – I _can’t_ give him everything he wants and needs – everything he _deserves_. He says he doesn’t care, but _I_ do. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I’m cutting him off from all these things he should be able to experience just because _I’m_ too much of a mess to be able to deal with them. I just want him to be happy, Rose, and I can’t make him happy.” Rey feels like she’s almost pleading for Rose to understand where she’s coming from – she needs someone to tell her she’s doing the right thing.

Rose, however, just shakes her head sadly, “I wish I could convince you just how good for Ben you’ve been. Before he met you, he wasn’t the person that he is now. He was quiet and unsociable and so fucking moody all the time. He would have these horrific mood swings, as well, and he was always sorry about them afterwards but it didn’t stop them happening. He was okay most of the time, but he clearly wasn’t happy with his life – something was _missing_. Then he met you, and he _changed_. _You_ changed him. I’ve known Ben for _years_ , but I think I saw him smiling more in the three years he was with you than in the fifteen years I’d known him before that. He’s so much calmer now, and friendlier, and he _is_ happy, or at least he was when you were together and he is now that you’re back in his apartment. Tell me Rey, have you honestly considered the idea that you _do_ make Ben the happiest he can be? Because I for one think you do, and I know for a fact that he does too.”

Rey doesn’t have the capacity to take all of that in right now – if she lets herself think about it too much she’s just going to spiral and she doesn’t want to do that tonight, “I can’t talk about this now, Rose. Let’s just get another drink and dance, please?”

Rose looks like she wants to say more, but the desperate look Rey shoots her clearly changes her mind as she puts on a kind smile and agrees.

-

The night becomes a bit of blur after that conversation - courtesy of a mix of cocktails and shots and whatever drinks Rey can get her hands on, really. Rose isn’t quite as bad as Rey is, but she’s also definitely nowhere near sober. They’re dancing and laughing and joking and Rey is actually having a great time – she almost isn’t thinking about Ben at all.

She feels _free_ \- like for the first time in years she can really just let go and forget and have a good time and she doesn’t need to _worry_. She dances with Rose and some nice Beta girls that she met in the bathroom when one of them leant her some lipstick after she realised she’d left hers at home in her rush to get out of the apartment. Rey feels like she could keep going for _hours_ , but all too soon Rose is dragging her towards the exit – citing a need for some chips and her bed. When the fresh air hits her, Rey realises that perhaps food and bed _is_ a good idea. The whole world is _spinning_.

The next thing she knows she’s sitting on a bench down the road, a carton of chips sitting between her and Rose and smoking a cigarette she’d bummed off some other drunk girls who were also getting food. She hasn’t smoked in a long time – and she’s aware that she’s probably only doing it because she knows that it will annoy Ben. It’s not that she _wants_ to piss him off, but he had really pissed _her_ off earlier and she can make her own choices.

“We should order a taxi.” Rey suggests, although her words are definitely more slurred that she’d intended.

Rose just looks at her and giggles, shaking her head, “That’s the third time you’ve said that in the last five minutes babe, and this will be the third time I’ve told you that Ben is on his way to get us.”

“Oh. Oops.” It’s entirely possible that she’s drunk _too_ much, thinking about it. She doesn’t even like smoking – it tastes like shit – and her stomach is starting to ache a bit.

By the time Ben shows up, which honestly can’t be more than ten minutes later, Rey is resting her head on Rose’s shoulder and keeping her eyes open is a _struggle_. She’s vaguely aware of his car pulling up beside them, and the fact that Rose definitely has to help her into the front seat and Ben does up her seatbelt for her. She must actually fall asleep then, because the next time she opens her eyes they’re back at the car park by Ben’s apartment and he’s attempting to lift her from the car. 

Rey pushes Ben’s arms away and twists herself towards the open door, “I can walk.”

Ben raises an eyebrow, but steps back to let her get out of the car on her own, “You sure about that?”

Rey doesn’t grace that comment with an answer, instead pointedly placing her feet on to the ground and taking a few steps before she stumbles. Ben is by her side though, hands wrapped around her waist to keep her stable.

He chuckles.

“It’s the shoes fault,” Rey huffs in response, “My feet hurt.”

“I’m not surprised,” Ben replies dryly, letting Rey lean against him as they slowly make their way to the entrance of the building, “Rose said you didn’t stop all night. I think it could also be something to do with the, and I quote, _fuck load of drinks_ you had.”

“Who told you that?” Rey gasps in mock offence.

“You did.” Ben is all too happy to inform her.

“When?” Rey doesn’t really remember saying anything to Ben since she’s been in the car. 

“One of the three times you phoned me, sweetheart.”

Oh. Rey is more focused on staying upright than the fact she apparently called Ben multiple times at some point or other, “Don’t remember phoning you.”

“Well, I think that’s proof enough that you may have overdone it a bit.” Ben teases, pretty much lifting Rey up the few steps into the building. 

They just about make it into the elevator before Rey decides it’s time to get her shoes off her feet for good. Ben doesn’t take any arguments when he picks her up that time, telling her that ‘there is no way he’s letting her walk around barefoot when they have no idea what’s been on the ground’, and she supposes that’s not actually a bad point, so she doesn’t complain _too_ much.

Being carried that final distance does horrific things to the contents of her stomach, however, and as soon as Rey is in the apartment, she’s making a run for the toilet – well, maybe a desperate stumble would be more accurate. She just about makes it before she can’t hold it down any longer, hunching over the toilet as her body seems to expel the entire contents of her stomach. Ben is right behind her, of course – tying her hair back and rubbing soothing circles on to her back until she’s sure there’s nothing left for her to throw up.

He hauls her up when she’s done, brushes her teeth and takes her make up off before pulling one of his old t-shirts over her head for her to sleep in. Rey feels dead on her feet by this point, all earlier happiness is long gone and replaced by exhaustion. She just wants to sleep.

Ben can apparently read her mind, “Where do you want to sleep tonight, Sweetheart?”

Rey doesn’t even need to think about it, “With you.”

Ben just chuckles, and lifts Rey into his arms to carry her towards his bedroom.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles into his chest.

“It’s okay Rey. we’ve all drunk too much at some point.” He responds kindly, but that isn’t what she _means_.

“No. I’m sorry for fighting earlier, and walking out, and being mean to you when you’re not mean to me.” She doesn’t know if she’s making any sense, but she needs to say it.

“You’re not mean to me, Sweetheart,” Ben responds softly, placing her down on to the bed and pulling the covers back so she can get beneath them, “We can talk about this tomorrow if you want.”

“No,” Rey shakes her head, and then immediately regrets it as the room spins all over again, “Wanna talk about it now. We can talk about everything now.”

“What do you mean by everything?” Ben questions as he runs his fingers through Rey’s hair, loosening some of the larger tangles with his hands.

“What I haven’t told you yet. I wanna tell you and I’m gonna tell you because then you’ll know and I can stop thinking about it.” Something in the back of Rey’s mind is screaming at her that this is an awful idea, but she can ignore that.

Ben shakes his head, and leans forward to kiss Rey’s forehead, “Not tonight. We can talk about important things when you’re sober, if you want to.”

“But I won’t want to, then.” Rey pouts in response.

“So that’s why you shouldn’t do it now.” He kisses the tip of her nose then, and Rey can’t help but smile.

“Oh,” Rey ponders the logic of his words whilst stifling a yawn, “That’s smart.”

“It’s time for us to get some sleep. Do you need anything else before I get in bed?” Ben offers.

“Nope,” Rey murmurs, eyelids already beginning to droop, “Just you.”

“You know you’ll always have me," Ben assures as he curls up beside her, "Goodnight, Sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hope you liked it. Honestly everything that happened this chapter was supposed to be like half a chapter, but I got carried away again. I'm not completely sure if next chapter will be the last one or not - I'm leaning towards adding an epilogue as well but I'll see how it all goes. Thank you all for reading xoxo


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